Drama Lies and Tears..Welcome to the Teenage Years

face down in the dirt she said "this doesnt hurt"

2009-03-22T22:56:58Z

jim kissed me...more than once
lip rings sent naked piks 2 simba while he was dating sum1
then he broke up with her
so emo boy got mad at me...
simbas ex likes me
simba likes me
emo boy.....has no clue nemore
nd lip rings hates me...
wat the hell am i supposed 2 do?

i build myself up, to tear myself down

2009-03-15T20:39:07Z

reely?
he barely likes me as a friend nemore..
nd im madly in love with him STILL
fuck him..
fuck this bullshit..
i have sum1 who loves me...

but do i love him back?

crazy_addictive @ 2009-03-13T21:13:00

2009-03-14T01:33:43Z

ughughugh...
hairboys...driving me crazy. i dont noe wat 2 do,
im not happy but i noe if hes with me...he will b
nd thats wat i reely want.
hes so emotional, i liked it at first now its my weakness
i hate myself evrytime i upset him or make him cry,
as im typing this, hes laying on the bed, looking reely sad nd stressed
nd i noe hes thinking about breaking up wit me,
i havent told him this..but i dont think i care, cuz i noe he wuldnt noe wat i meant.
if we stay 2gether, hell b happy n ill accept it,
if we break up, ill still have my problems...such as...
lip rings...shes so weird.
shes mad cuz im with him, but she wants me,
nd i want her...shes hot nd reely sweet..but the bitch is CONFUSING
ugh, then theres, yes...of course i can pick em...another emo kid
actually, he dated nooblette, if u remember...
ill call him...jim...of course i mean that by hes in my gym class
he wants me too...but he just wants me 2 have his vcard
ive been refusing ofcourse. i have a bf...but watll happen wen i dont?
i dont want to, reely..so it probably wont happen, but u never noe
im losing friends like car keys...ppl r so unhappy with me now
they think me n hairboy r a bad match n r mad 4, alot of reasons..
i miss my mom..nd i ish she was here so i culd talk 2 her about this.
but all i have is lj now....
newayz, emoboy feels awkward around me now that hes aware
that i still am madly in love with me...
fuckk...i gotta go...peace

update...

2009-02-17T18:58:05Z

god where do i start...
back in september...lol
me nd emo boy broke up but then for like...a month after
we messed around.....alot :)))))))
but then i met hair boy...nd i fucked up rite there..
i got his number...why? idk i shuldve left him nd his quiet ass b
but no...we hung out nd i kissed him on the beach..
nd he got very attached nd hey...so did i.
we talked 4 a bit ~~nd did other things~~
then we started going out...101008
now a buddy of mine (his nickname shall b simba)
he is so in love with me, ~~nd hes reeeeely ugly~~
so i only like him as a friend
i went 2 an avenged sevenfold concert *headbangs*
yes...me n hairboy had sex.. nd alot of it (thank god 4 birth control)
then this girl ive liked 4 a while....lets say....lip ring :P
she liked me back, then me nd hair boy was havin problems
after like...3 1/2 months, so he broke up with me..
yes, devastating.....not too much tho
i stopped the cutting (~~which sux 4 me but i still smoke~~)
so then, i kissed lip ring....we made out...she also hasa tounge ring :DDDD
~~too bad she culdnt use it right...teehee~~
but hairboy had a SHITFIT...nd i was mad
cuz im like *u definitely broke up wit me????*
but he put me on a guilt trip so i was upset nd we got back 2gether
but then he was so different, like he acted like
he didnt care as much nd like he culd never lose me
so im like *this cocky bitch..lol jk* but i broke up with him
cuz then he became an ~~annoying~~ pothead..like ALL he ever wanted was sex nd pot
so i didnt like that...nd i ended it...nd of course lip ring kissed me
but i turned her away nd he was still upset cuz
"i thought about letting it happen" *EXTREME mocking voice*
bullshit...if i wanted it 2 happen i culdve let it...maybe i shuldve?
then like...a week later...simba kissed me...
hes not a horrible kisser, just he has weird technique nd chapped lips..
but THAT upset hairboy too....*surprise*
but now....we r jus chill.....so fuck it...

they'll tear us apart if u give them the chance

2008-07-22T08:39:37Z

heyy havent had a heart felt post in a lil bit so i thought i mite do so. im in az having..."fun" its pretty all rite tho. i slept over my aunts nd had a loooooong convo wit her about how i feel about alot of stuff. she was kinda surprised that im a teenage girl who doesnt believe that im gunna find true love now and marry this kid nd b soul mates. i dont believe in soulmates at all. i love emo boy nd it might b true love like he says it is but im not sure nd i noe i wont b with him forvever. dont get me wrong, if i was that wuld b hella cool but i noe im not so y even waste time thinking about it. hes 1500 miles away rite now nd i havent talked to him since i left. the day i went to his house b4 he left, my life changed nd i wish nwe culd b perfect 2gether forever but deep in my heart i dont think that anyone culd b with 1 person forvever. anyone ive ever thought wuld last, didnt. my mom nd her husband, laina nd cheese, vicky nd paul, my cuzzin nd her bf,greg nd carmen, my auntie nd larry, johner nd his bf, and other peeps i cant think of that were "perfect" 2gether, all didnt last. the only ppl i can think of r my aunt pam nd uncle mike so wen i slept over her house i asked nd i noe theyll last forever but i cant help but think 'ill never find my person and b with them forever. i dont even deserve wat i have now" which is probably true. emo boy rite now is jus havin fun wit his summer that doesnt include me in it. i feel bad cuz i havent talked 2 him but wen i email him nd he responds he doesnt ever sound like he even wants to talk 2 me. i feel horrible like he shuld have better. i miss my besties but evry1 is having more fun than i am, nd i doubt ne1 misses me. its makin me a lil depressed, nd im not happy with my now-surroundings. my moms got a new bf who acts younger than me, my brothers annoying as hell, nd my mom acts like a bitch. rite now im at my EX-stepdads house nd evrytime we bring up the good old days i wanna either A) choke back tears and wish them back or B) scream and yell and break things until all my problems r out of my system. i feel like doing wat i used 2 do wen i had problems but i promised emo boy id never do it again, as long as he cared about me, cuz he was the ONLY one who cared about me hurting myself like i did, nd now that im doubting us the SLIGHTEST bit i feel like going back but i noe i wont,

hello there, the angel from my nightmare

2008-07-15T22:59:23Z

im in az!!
finally shits gettin better
but i miss my bf...only thing i miss
i got sum red chucks a few days ago
i have new music on my ipod
nd im partying with my gays this weekend
i wishh i had a camera

crazy_addictive @ 2008-06-07T23:07:00

2008-06-08T03:12:03Z

ugh...i hate life rite now..

im showing my weaknesses to people

feeling vulnerable and i hate it

thinking about sum stuff...

maybe i shuld jus give up..
u noe? b a slut, do sum drugs, make my life worse than it already is...
not much more i can do to help myself
so why bother?

fuckk youhh

2008-06-03T01:19:12Z

ugh...skool blocked lj so there shall b alot less of me posting
srry guys!!
but since i last posted, me nd emo boy r pretty good
but nooblette keeps flirting wit him, nd that aint how its gunna roll...
fuckk her, hes wit me nd its staying that way
2days a month btw...cool shit but we aint get 2 chill much
sucks ass but wateva....im bout 2 go call him
duecesz

hmm

2008-05-21T12:20:42Z

im boreddd nd i thinks its time for me 2 update my icons soon
probably next class period..after a lecture about not doin my work
yesterday was super awesomeness at the tennis match
we didnt go til about 3ishh nd wen we did we stayed off the court til emo boy had 2 play
which wasnt until around 4:30 so we were bein super lovey
for no reason...but i loved it, he kept showin me mad love jus bcuz he felt like it
he has his moments of serious romance...hes great like that
we had sum pretty obscene conversations with each other
nd then hempy was havin the same convos wit me...
i jus like obscene topics like drugs nd sex XDD
im a cool chick like that..guys can b guys around me nd im probably worse
nd thats y i have my nono...nd a few other perverted girlfranns
there was this reely fun moment at the match, i was sittin on the rock
real close 2 emo boy nd i had my hand on his thigh...
~~mad close 2 where it aint supposed 2 b~~
nd he gave me this look like "sure?" nd he was lookin at me mad serious
nd i laffed real quiet nd he was like "wat r u laffin at?" nd so i told him
nd he was like "nuh uh the look was more of a "i hope i dont walk onto the court awkwardly" look
nd then outta nowhere he had one hand in mine other pulling me close nd kissed me
at random he does that nd tells me how much he loves me....
which i find isnt common amoung guys my age..how'd i find him?

tougher than nigerian hair

2008-05-20T12:19:58Z

lol...the white boy next 2 me is jammin 2 lil wayne...noe all the words nd shit..wow. but neways, fri. was fun cuz i spent most of the day wit emo boy nd we had fun :D but sat. i went on a trip nd was jus kinda chillen wit the bestie. then there was a trip 2 the mall. yesterday was a sumwat good day. spent sum time wit emo boy nd my friend. (hes exactly like me so hes called my twin) we jus hung around nd bullshitted about evrything. i got a problem wit loverchick cuz she cant handle the truth about loverboy or her bein mad fake, so oh well. emo boys been actin suer bipolar lately. hes lovey then doesnt wanna talk2 me...i dont wanna start havin problems now. cuz wen we r a billion miles away, i have no clue how its gunna work. but we can do it, at least...he says hes sure of it.

Writer's Block: Your Theme

2008-05-20T11:50:35Z

i dont reely have a theme song...i have a soundtrack nd it wuld include:
be somebody else-pink
i can swing a mike- escape the fate
theres nothing remix- sean kingston, paula deanna, juelz santana
when it all falls apart- the veronicas
do something-brittney spears
i feel like dyin- lil wayne

a few mores but i wont drag this on

Writer's Block: Clumsiest moment

2008-05-19T12:17:32Z

im like...the clumsiest person in life...theres many nd i shall mention a few of them...

im not shy nd i like 2 hit on random hot guys nd one time, at the mall, whil whistling tha this cute guy from across the food court....i ran into the giant gumball machine...then i tried 2 play it off nd pull out a quarter but i laffed at myself.
last yr, i went 2 a party lookin mad cute wit a skirt nd leggings on.... of course my friend ran in front of me nd i stepped back, FALLING into the cooler, wetting my skirt nd rippin my leggings, but ima trooper nd changed into a pair of my friends sweatpants nd started partyin my lil ass off...but then one of the boys missed his target nd hit me in the head with a football.
at the skating rink a few weeks ago, i was randomly hitting on the hottie...nd of course after a min. of shameless flirting...he replies "uhm...im gay" nd i kinda laffed nd was like "well u wanna b my best friend then?" he laffed nd sat next 2 us....made a new friend i guess.
most of the embarassin shyt happens like me...fallin down my stairs in my bra nd underwear wen a salesperson knocks on the door, trying 2 sell me a phone book.
or me in the 3rd floor of the magnet skool slippin on emo boys sweater causing me to fall down a flight of stairs which was SUPER funny.
ive learned 2 laff at myself bcuz im so embarassing..

crazy_addictive @ 2008-05-15T09:34:00

2008-05-15T11:47:55Z

mm...life been good to me this week. its a nice change...i like it.
yesterday was good, even tho i didnt have 5th prd
i went 2 emo boys tennis game nd it was sickkk
ii wasnt watchin the game, but i had my pplsz wit me (lets call them shay-boo, ace, nd hairapy)
my dood hairapy is mad cool, he was my bestie mad long ago but we aint talk in 4ever
shay-boo wasnt supposed 2 b there but she went cuz i did
nd ace (recently called hempy) was bein mad gay for no reason, it was hilarious
our team lost cuz we SUCK nd r horrible at boring ass tennis
loverchick nd loverboy got into an arguement nd i hate them both rite now
all my buddies is on the team so i said ill go 2 their homegames if hairapy goes..
cuz without him its not fun, i met this kid yesterday
hes bangin nd hes friendly...but hes into anime....but he doesnt look like it
watev...im good wit who im wit, nd ima stay that way
i hate 2 admit im ~~in love~~

Writer's Block: Reacting to my bad mood

2008-05-14T12:16:52Z

it switches up cuz on a real bad i lash out at evry1, even wen they dont deserve it, i have a horrible temper nd i tend to break things, throw things, yell, nd then i lay down and cry, or wen the day is over nd i can jus go 2 sleep. once in a while i dont talk 2 ne1, nd i jus isolate myself so i DONT lash out. its best if i dont, cuz wen i do it makes my day even worse, plus a headache. but sumtymesi call my best friend nd vent to him nd i cry nd he listens nd comforts me. there was only one time he didnt, nd its cuz he had the same kinda day.
i havent had a day like that in a while, ive had bad days but not any where its bad enuff that i cant talk 2 anyone or i lash out. tempers been better lately, except for one occasion where i punched AK in the face...

your face is the soundtack of my summer

2008-05-13T12:02:03Z

blahh...2days boring, nobodys reely here..i mean monte python isnt here
nooblette isnt here the ONE time i actually need and WANT to talk 2 her
i think her nd AK go out again nd its kins funny but i wanna asj her cuz hes lying to me
hes been gettin on my last nerve lately...i hate that kid, nd he does it on purpose
i mean, i get that we r only in high school bbut he needs 2 grow up sumtyme soon
hes older than us but hes less mature, but i think SERIOUSLY *serious lil imput here*
they r kinda cute 2gether...she will probably hurt him again, but hes the type of guy who will take her back
bcuz hes the type she can trample over and she does that so she doesnt do it to evry1 else
as long as he lets her, she mite treat him like shit once in a while nd she will b great to the rest of the world
nd evry1 will b happy, them, us...its all a great combination bcuz AK doesnt care about it
he loves her so much she culd kick him in the face, nd he will b totally fine wit it
so i think they r an awesome couple bcuz of that...its kinda funny bcuz evry1 is going out now
i blame spring but evry1 is hookin up nd shyt now which is kinda good tho...
im mad tired rite now 4 no reason...cant wait til later..lunch nd shyt wont b as fun but oh well

weekendness

2008-05-12T12:12:02Z

my weekend was fun, i went 2 see Baby Mama with loverboy, loverchick, AK, sum random kid, and ian
the bf was supposed 2 go but culdnt cuz he lives in bumfuck, egypt like a fuckerr
the movie wasnt that great nd i sat next to ian nd the couple (who were making out half the time)
ian talks loud thru the whole movie but the movie was boring so i didnt care
i think he mite like me but maybe im jus not used 2 his friendlyness, but ive known him forever
AK pissed me off wit this dumb sound that annoys everyone nd i almost punched him again
me nd andie were lookin madd cute nd i stole the outfit so i culd wear it during the week
its rockin the rainbow nd shyt, sexyness, but newayz on sat. i slept over loverchick's
it was boring at first but then we watched Waiting nd her friend came over
ive never met him but hes emo boys friend nd ive seen him around at school
hes MAD tall...6'5" to b exact so ima call him beast...cuz he a beast, hes 18 nd drove over
nd he got a call from this drunk kid named joe nd we went 2 pick him up nd shit, it was fun
we got home made sum ramen, nd loverchick fell asleep, but me nd her sister, lets call her damien,
stayed awake, nd beast had us in stitches! hes mad funny nd he had the same sound AK had on his phone
nd i chucked a mint can at him, nd then all 3 of us piled into the one futon bed nd was jokin around hittin each other
he was a bit tipsy but mostly we were jus bein dumb as all hell...hes cool pplsz
we wanna make a plan 2 chill out in Preston next weekend
bcuz damien, me nd loverchick all have bf's that live in there nd it wuld b fun as hell
i hope we can do that..

Writer's Block: It's Too Late to Apologize

2008-05-07T13:17:30Z

sorry doesnt fix anything...unless sum1 reely reely reely means it..
evry1 says sorry but not alot mean it..recently ive been hurt by this one boy nd this one girl (2 different situations) the guy cheated on me nd the girl talked so much shit, betrayed me, lied, nd did evrything she culd 2 hurt me, even take my love away from me....they both said sorry...neither of them meant it so i forgive neither of them. one other boy hurt me, but it was unintentional nd wen he realized he hurt me, he did evrything in his power 2 make it up 2 me nd make me feel better, we've been thru alot of shit nd we always get thru it bcuz he is the one guy, i think i culd ever trust with my life.

eelik!!

2008-05-06T11:49:58Z

ugh, yesterday was stressful, i got nothing done in my classes nd didnt have 5th prd, so i was unhappy all day. after skool me nd emo boy hung out for a half an hour, took the elevator up nd down twice, for certain reasons, then me nd curly went 2 wendys nd ms.nancy picked us up in her convertable. we got 2 writers nd AK nd me fought over his phone, he put me in a headlock, so i punched him in the face nd made his lip bleed.

crazy_addictive @ 2008-05-02T10:05:00

2008-05-02T12:18:48Z

theres nothin to do..i missed my bus AGAIN 2day...nd i didnt get time 2 "talk" to emo boy
which is bull...i hate missin the bus, i always get yelled at
my hairs curly nd scrunched 2day nd evry1 loves it better with the highlights
my band geeks left me for the entire weekend which makes me wanna cry
im grounded til wed. bcuz of my grades nd stuff
i got 3 D's nd an F....which is bad so no computer or going out
which SUCKS cuz i was gunna go 2 the movies with emo boy
2nite we were supposed 2 see Iron Man but he says
he wuld see it again next week with me so he doesnt have 2 WATCH the movie
i noe wat he means by that...loser
we dont even go out nd we randomly kiss evrytime we see each other wtf??
its all good tho, i can wait til friday...im gunna go get sum free shit from sarges
mostly energy drinks nd candy nd gay ass comic books that ill jus give 2 my brother
ill see my nerds!! sum i havent seen since 8th grade, bcuz they go 2 fag skools
ill chill in the basement with them nd jus chill while my aunt nd father r upstairs
oblivious to my existance down there where all the "trouble causing kids" stay at
we dont reely do nething...truth or dare maybe...but nothing much
my hair is cold..nd my fingers hurt so ill ttyl
DU3CES

a word of advice

2008-04-29T12:15:16Z

do not drink on a school night...u think u will b fine but dont...
im sittin in 1st prd with a hangover nd it SUCKS

ne1 else participating in the day of silence?

2008-04-25T12:06:41Z

yepp....me......quiet for a whole 12 hours...i can totally do it yay for the gays lmao
i talked 2 emo boy yesterday (who is staying quiet with me)
we definately had that talk we needed so much
he made me sooooo happy, i love that kid so much
i seen him this morning nd gave him the biggest hug possible
cuz he jus helped me with my problems nd listened...
hes reely good at that nd is almost the only guy i noe i can talk 2 about evrything
nd i totally love him for it..nd he gives me the biggest confidence boost
which ive been needing for the last 3 weeks
ive been so down nd ive jus wanted 2 jump off a cliff
nd he definately took me out of that , hes so cute in that way
but i definately need 2 get out of that bcuz i cant b in love with a kid with a gf
wen their done then i can do it but i cant help but miss how close we were
we r close...but i mean close as in he culd come over
nd we culd talk or jus cuddle/chill without havin 2 do nething
now he cant come over, we dont chill, nd we only talk in IM nd durin lunch
i miss our deep ass conversations that DIDNT lead 2 an arguement
nd he said he does too...so we had sum deep convos last nite
he said we need 2 chill so we can talk in person, cuz its always better that way
ive been under a lot of stress with my bestie, my parents, money, sexuality, love, nd a whole lot of other shyt im cunfused about
its drivin me crazy...nd hes the only one i can talk 2 cuz i feel so comfortable with him

crazy_addictive @ 2008-04-23T10:00:00

2008-04-23T14:03:41Z

1. Ask me to take pictures of any aspect of my life you're curious about
2. Leave your requests as comments to this entry
3. Please look at the previous requests as to not do repeats
4. I'll snap the pictures and post them
5. Whoever wants it.

ill take pics of anything and evrything
me, my pets, emo boy, my parental units....
JUST ASK
this mite b ur only chance 2 see wat my life LOOKS like

yarr

2008-04-23T12:18:39Z

yesterday was good until i got home...
then evry1 was like "mm no"
i didnt talk 2 emo boy at all nd i reely need 2 talk 2 him
not gunna tell him about wat happened with this person or that one
im gunna have a long talk wit him about how awesome he is
he needs a confidence boost...nd i can always make him feel good
((not like that u sickoo))
my friend AK asked him y hes still wit his gf...
nd his answer was totally unexceptable lol
"bcuz i love her".....wtf???
i can understand if u love sum1 but if sum1 cheats and lies...they dont love u bacc
srry 2 say..but its true nd he needs 2 noe that
hes wayyyy better than that shyt newayz, like....4 real
yea...i gave this a whole lotta thought yesterday
i feel so horrible about this nd i dont even noe why
it suckks but im jus gunna talk 2 him 2day or sumthing
but i dont wanna bother him too much about it
cuz i noe about 70000 other ppl r buggin him
nd i dont want him 2 think that im jus tryna get him bacc
cuz thats not the deal, i jus hate seein ppl i love get hurt by ppl i cant stand
i jus dont roll that way...nd i shuld have a talk wit her but i noe if she cop an attitude
there will b a problem

pshh

2008-04-22T12:20:47Z

im tired as hell...missed my bus 2day
nd its gunna b a long day...i can tell
yesterday was kinda fun...long..but fun
the ex is still tryna get wit me nd shit but he can kiss my ass
had a talk wit my best guy friend emo boy..
poor kid is goin thru sum hard times nd so am i
so we is there 4 each other nd shit
2day SHULD b interesting cuz ima have sum awkward talks wit sum ppl...

crazy_addictive @ 2008-04-21T09:42:00

2008-04-21T12:08:21Z

skool!! finally....i was getting bored over vaca
no matter wat, even over vaca, nothing but drama happens
its jus bullshit..i had a good cry a few days ago...u noe wen that happens?
wen u NEED 2 cry cuz ur jus overwhelmed with stress and shit..
well...i had alot of that going on, but then my friend...lets call him pose...
pose told me about sumthing this girl did...pissed me off
(ive mentioned her b4 but i wont now i lost so much respect for her)
she hurt her bf...another friend i may have mentioned..but he wont believe it
she cheated...nd if theres sumthing i reely hate r cheaters and liars
2 make matters worse? her bf was my BEST FRIEND...
u probably noe by now who im talkin bout
but it dont matter...im not gunna get into that bullshit
cuz it jus pisses me off nd ima snap on sumbody nd i shuldnt
shit makes me mad enuff 2 black out...nd thats not wat i need
i hate where i live...nd i hate the girls here...
their mostly stupid bitches or sluts..